Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
