I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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