If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
