She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
