i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
