so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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