honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
