I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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