I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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