Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
