haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
