I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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