Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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