i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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