We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
