I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
