i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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