Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
