If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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