Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
