i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.