they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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