u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going