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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.

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• (716): View more from New York

  ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.

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• (347): View more from New York

  i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  .As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'

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• (713): View more from Texas

  It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.

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