I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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