I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
