he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge