If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.