just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."