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the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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