my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
