Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She needs sedatives and a leash
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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