Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.

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  (734): Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid. http://tfl.nu/qckj
  Replies (33) Good night (764) Bad night (4290)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

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  (630): just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now. http://tfl.nu/m10w
  Replies (29) Good night (8003) Bad night (685)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win

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  (609): Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win http://tfl.nu/6ut9
  Replies (43) Good night (716) Bad night (4076)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

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  (204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (2070) Bad night (4812)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt

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  (704): ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt http://tfl.nu/lv1t
  Replies (5) Good night (1211) Bad night (2444)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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  (419): That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself. http://tfl.nu/02m3
  Replies (8) Good night (1842) Bad night (623)
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  (415): View more from California

  Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.

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  (415): Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood. http://tfl.nu/lu5t
  Replies (6) Good night (1089) Bad night (1827)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.

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  (229): She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather. http://tfl.nu/lq1l
  Replies (10) Good night (1322) Bad night (600)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.

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  (225): The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night. http://tfl.nu/csqe
  Replies (2) Good night (383) Bad night (614)
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  (707): View more from California

  People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.

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  (707): People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex. http://tfl.nu/ihmc
  Replies (3) Good night (900) Bad night (332)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.

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  (832): I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket. http://tfl.nu/lg7t
  Replies (2) Good night (363) Bad night (554)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.

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  (412): I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA. http://tfl.nu/jgm4
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (368)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  summertime

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  (804): One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen (1-804): summertime http://tfl.nu/un7q
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (260)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?

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  (314): She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again? http://tfl.nu/ze7n
  Replies (5) Good night (304) Bad night (585)
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  (858): View more from California

  Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker

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  (858): Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker http://tfl.nu/c3nf
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (143)

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