Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (881) Bad night (3511)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.

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  (856): So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron. http://tfl.nu/ru5k
  Replies (18) Good night (1506) Bad night (5330)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.

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  (404): boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am. http://tfl.nu/8njg
  Replies (6) Good night (1062) Bad night (3274)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.

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  (203): The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man. http://tfl.nu/yftr
  Replies (5) Good night (3499) Bad night (1232)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.

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  (724): He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever. http://tfl.nu/8ol6
  Replies (6) Good night (3337) Bad night (658)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.

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  (541): Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/cv6a
  Replies (8) Good night (2043) Bad night (518)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.

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  (910): I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea. http://tfl.nu/24jk
  Replies (11) Good night (682) Bad night (1339)
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  (457): View more from

  Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though

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  (457): Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though http://tfl.nu/vzyv
  Replies (8) Good night (1206) Bad night (440)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago

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  (940): Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago http://tfl.nu/00op
  Replies (2) Good night (1005) Bad night (495)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.

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  (843): Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance. http://tfl.nu/j1w6
  Replies (12) Good night (942) Bad night (395)
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  (925): View more from California

  I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.

  (415): View more from California

  I still don't know how you've lived this long.

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  (925): I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time. (415): I still don't know how you've lived this long. http://tfl.nu/6ttn
  Replies (5) Good night (1031) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich

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  (802): I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich http://tfl.nu/ehbw
  Replies (6) Good night (790) Bad night (282)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm too stoned to come over for sex

  (813): View more from Florida

  Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'll be right over

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  (727): I'm too stoned to come over for sex (813): Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock (727): I'll be right over http://tfl.nu/llu2
  Replies (11) Good night (1166) Bad night (270)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"

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  (860): We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?" http://tfl.nu/8tlk
  Replies (2) Good night (462) Bad night (165)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.

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  (717): I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower. http://tfl.nu/u1b6
  Replies (3) Good night (626) Bad night (148)

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