My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level