If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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