i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
