so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
