Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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