do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
