I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
