someone threw a dead crab at me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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