I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
