They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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