I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
