I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
