She's JV to your varsity
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
