Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
