you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
