stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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