There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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