All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize