Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
