I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
