I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
