My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My vagina is officially offended.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
