Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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