GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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