why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
