So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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