On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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