dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
