Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
