this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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