Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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