She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
