hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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