Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
