I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
