so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
did i walk over a car last night?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
