Sponge bath it is.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
