Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
