Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
