Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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