grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
