Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
