I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
