I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
