So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
