Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
