Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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