She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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