I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We're too hungover to prance.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
