We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
