I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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