I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
