your thong is hanging out like whoa
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drake has all the answers
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
